It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old .definitely pre- C.B.S. And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later try.) And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass. and lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at his handiwork. Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo it was funky. And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." And it was good. And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came to practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens. And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which had created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so pleased. And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!" Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to dance, but that's another story.) And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo He became Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts." And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the frets off of the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon' the neck. And, in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled. Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the man. And He said, "O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even think of." "And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always stand next to the drummer." "You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster than the bass." "And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this: that all the other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes. And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night." "And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go to the bar for a drink."
9 comments:
two guys walked into a bar
the third ducked
LOL
giggle
what else ya got, darlin?
Q - How do you get a bass player off your doorstep?
A - Pay for the pizza.
In the beginning there was a bass.
It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it
could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was
very old .definitely pre- C.B.S.
And God looked down upon it and saw that it was
good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and
couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later
try.)
And so He let it be and He created a man to play
the bass. and lo the man looked upon the bass, which
was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, and he loved it. He
played upon the open E string and the note rang
through the earth and reverberated throughout the
firmaments (thus reverb came to be.)
And it was good. And God heard that it was good and
He smiled at his handiwork.
Then in the course of time, the man came to slap
upon the bass. And lo it was funky. And God heard this
funkiness and He said, "Go man, go."
And it was good. And more time passed, and, having
little else to do, the man came to practice upon the
bass.
And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set
of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the
notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens.
And God heard this sound which sounded something
like the wind, which had created earlier. It also
sounded something like the movement of furniture,
which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so
pleased.
And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!"
Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so
excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the
bass a blizzard of funky notes.
And the heavens shook with the sound, and the
Angels
ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to
dance, but that's another story.)
And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo
He became Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He
said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would
have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."
And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not
to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for
playing fast and high.
The man took the frets off of the bass which God
had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon
the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon'
the neck.
And, in his excitement, the man did forget the
commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of
high melodies and blindingly fast licks.
And the heavens rocked with the assault and the
earth shook, rattled and rolled.
Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was
thunder as He spoke to the man. And He said, "O.K. for
you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I
shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play
higher than you can even think of." "And from out of
the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they
shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I
shall make you to always stand next to the drummer."
"You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of
Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed. And I
shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and
lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster
than the bass." "And for all the days of man, your
curse shall be this: that all the other musicians
shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes.
And if you play too high or fast all the other
musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall hate
it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo
career, and find other bass players for their
bands.
And for all your days if you want to play your
fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a
thief in the night." "And if you finally do get to
play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and
go to the bar for a drink."
And it was so.
Rudy,
LMAO! You crack me up. I know how to get a certain bass player off the porch. ;)
*muah*
~ b
that wasn't a pizza in my pocket ;-)
well.... it was a "pizza" me *muah*
ha ha ha hee hee hee hoo hoo hoo
ROFLMAO
honey, maybe your jokes are really funny cuz I have a fever.
giggle
TY for entertaining me!
*muah*
~ b
oh sure.
give the fever credit :-(
YW *muah*
I roll my eyes.... definitely fevered pitch here. But a cute story anyway....
Liquids and tylenol girfriend. Post Rudy visit let down?
Wish I could send my famous garlic infused chicken soup!
Stay in bed.
HUGS
t
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