"There are times when the Lord takes away something so that He can give us something better."
Is that how it works? Bear with me as I wax poetically {read rant bitterly} for a time.
Is it possible that the losses I have incurred in 2007 be construed in any way, shape or form as something better? Not the silly trivial losses that I included in my list this week but the ones that are so very real that the pain just never completely leaves. The kind of pain that if allowed to take control has the power to bring even the strongest man to his knees weeping uncontrollably.
I have no mother. She is gone. I can tell you that the pain today cuts deeper and more horribly than it did that cold dark night in the parking lot of the hospital where my brother met my sister and myself to break the news that we were too late and that she was gone.
I can only assume that the last thing I said to her while she was still alive was to tell her that I loved her. My family does not end a visit or a conversation without expressing love. For that I am grateful.
That does not change the fact that I did not get something better. I will not get something better. To say that the Lord takes away to give something better is absolutely not true. It will never be true.
In a comment this past week I was accused of putting the pain of losing a friend above the pain of losing my Momma. Somehow I feel less pain over the death of my Momma because I didn't put anything in parenthesis reflecting the intense sadness and loneliness that I feel? . Why would anyone read into my painfully written list in that manner? Why would anyone feel the need to attack me as I displayed my pain for all to see? And to do so anonymously and spoofed is just cowardly. Stand by your words. That is how it should be. I was and am pained, shocked and disgusted by the way I was judged.
No one has the right to judge another. The pain that I felt and the tears that I have shed since the comment was left is not something better. I can only hope that my instinct was wrong and that the comment was not left by someone I know but my heart tells me differently and that makes it all the more painful.
In the opening quote I believe that I am silently referred to in the "takes away something." If you truly believe what you wrote than I can only say that I hope that the Lord did indeed bless you with something better than me. I wish you well. I always have.
But as for me……
Something better?
I think not.
13 comments:
I, too, was absolutely shocked and dismayed by the total insensitivity of the comment left the other day. I have a hard time giving any benefit of doubt. I can't believe anyone would accidentally or unintentionally leave such an utterly callous statement. I was outraged ( I guess that came through huh )
The quote you started this post with is meant, I suppose, by well meaning people to offer comfort. I can't see how it is ever true when the loss involves loved ones.
Fr. Kaspar was fond of the saying that if we were meant to completely understand, they wouldn't call it a mystery.
I have nothing to say really. You need to speak with your friends who have walked this road ahead of you.
All I can offer is my prayers, arms and a shoulder to cry on ( I am waterproof )
I will be with you soon, Honey.
{{{hugs}}} and *kisses*
The comment meant no disrespect to your mother, quite the opposite. I certainly don't belong in the same category as you mother in terms of grief, probably not even in the same category as your cat. Let's put this into perspective - you should be over it by now. You should move on with the one you chose. This was your choice and you made it, now go and live it. Do you see why I left? Look at the anguish it causes when I'm around. So, as I asked you before, stop referencing me on your site. Go and live life with your new friend and forget me and let me alone in peace. I wish the best for you too. Consider this the salt I pour on the wound to attempt to sterilize it and heal faster if you wish. Consider me an asshole if it helps you get over it. Just do it to yourself and not on your site.
And, no, I don't really care what anyone thinks of me on this site because no one really knows what I'm about anyway, and I don't expect they ever will, so their opinions of me are rubbish at best - maybe even a bit judgmental and biased? I think it was in Luke where Jesus it is attributed to Jesus to say that you should take the plank out of your own eye first, then attend to your neighbour. What a bunch of f-cking hypocrites you are calling me judgmental when I merely raised a point to consider. Now I know how John Lennon felt when he said the Beatles were more popular than Jesus - demographically, he was factually correct, though he meant it to mean that he was in awe of how successful these common boys from Liverpool were - it was actually a humble comment wrapped thick in sarcasm. But you all will read into this too because it came form me.
Not that the Blonde needs me to stand up for her, she is pretty vocal and opinionated when she chooses to be, I would say we ALL blog about what and who we want on our blogs. We express ourselves and yeah... it is out there. I think as long as these things are kept as anonymous as possible, and indeed, the rest of us don't know who this anonymous responder to the blog is, it's fair game.
Sounds like there is a back story. There always is. Rather than respond to the particular comment I will be general.
Blogs are about expressing one self.
I can choose to read or not read. If I don't like what I read, I can post, not post or not come around again.
When I post it can either be accepted or not, flamed or deleted.
My advice to Blondie would be to delete comments and not respond any longer to comments she doesn't like.
After all that is the power and the curse of the blog.
Come around if you must Anonymous one, lurk, laugh, think and cry with the rest of us, but do yourself a favour and refrain from answering back since it doesn't seem to work - for either of you
And dear blogger, consider deleting comments from those such as the ones you found tough. Censorship? Not at all, it's liking banging the phone down on a prank caller. Same thing.
HUGS
t
Rudy,
I agree that people use that phrase in hopes that it will be comforting. It isn't. I didn't want to get into a whole big religious discussion here but my feelings will never be that the Lord takes away but rather that the wages of sin is death. Since we all know where sin originated therein lies the answer as to whom is doing the taking away, don'tcha think?
I appreciate your words of encouragement and comfort and the prayers that you offer up daily for myself and my family. It is nice to know that I can grieve however I need to do so.
I like what Fr. Kaspar has to say. I am not trying to understand {most of the time}. I am just trying to get through the day.
Thank you so much for being here for me.
*hugs and kisses back at ya.*
~ b
E,
Since your response confirmed what I had hoped was not true I will address you personally.
While you may think that the comment left meant no disrespect I felt it was full of disrespect as well as judgment. Who are you to judge me? Who are you to decide what gets put in a LIST of LOSSES for this past year? This was my list thus mine to decide.
This is my blog. This is where I laugh and goof and think and cry. This is where I blow off steam. In the 2 plus years that I have been blogging that has not changed at all. I can and will say whatever it is I want to say on my blog. YOU don't get to decide that or dictate that. Stop typing my address into a spoofer if you don't want to read what I have to say. That is the only advice I can offer you at this point. If you still want to stop by do so through the front door and leave your name when you make a comment. That is how its done. Why hide behind a spoofer and an anonymous comment? It's not like I don't know you are here anyways. I just ask that if you do stop by and decide to comment that you leave your venom outside the door.
I know exactly why you left. You made that very clear. What I don't understand is why you are here if you have left. Your comments over the past month, all left anonymously yet obviously from you, are full of anger. I should be over it? You are the one who left for your own reasons. Maybe you should be over it by now since it was your choice to leave.
I think it is obvious that you don't care what people think. I am not sure that is a good thing but at least you stand by your convictions. I don't know how appropriate it is for me to discuss the motives of the others on the blog but I believe that those who have come forward do so in order to protect me. They know exactly how fragile I am in spite of my best efforts to be the strong one. There was a time when you would have done exactly the same. You were called judgmental because that is how I processed what you had commented and they ran with MY sentiment. Who is judging whom now?
~ blondie
E, earlier this fall you tried to dictate to the rest of us what we could or couldn't post on this blog. The blogger told you it was not your place to do so. Now, you presume to tell her what she can and can't post as well. I agree with t, this is her forum to discuss or not whatever she wishes. If she didn't want any of her friends to reply she would block comments.
If you don't like what you read, then by all means, stop reading.
There is no time limit on grief even if it is the missing of a friendship either because that friend is absent or because one realizes that maybe it never was what one thought at the time.
As far as our relationship, it was not a choice of me over you. You were never a consideration for this type of relationship. I did not take your place. We are doing very, very, very well and if you don't like seeing that - quit looking. Don't tell her (or me) to quit posting or dictate what form the posts can be.
It is not your place to throw salt on any wounds you perceive here. Do that on your own blog. This blog is to aid in the processing of any wounds at the bloggers own pace. It is a forum to share her life journey with her friends and the world at large - the joys as well as the sorrows.
T,
You are right, I don't NEED anyone to stand up for me. But I gotta love you for doing so nonetheless. You know full well how difficult things are for me right now. Knowing that you {and others} have my back is comforting.
Thank you for your thoughts. Yes, as you suggested there is a back story. We have been here before. Same players, different issues. Or perhaps the same issues with a twist. I am never quite sure.
The point of a blog is to get it out there. The fun, the crap, the sadness, the anger, the drinking, the giggling. It is a place to show our creative side {speaking of which, you ready for a new wallpaper on yours?} as well as our innermost demons. It helps to get us through the day as well as giving us a place to share and laugh with friends and loved ones.
I have been thinking a lot lately about censorship. I have always had the policy that I would not delete comments {well, cept for those bizarro ones from the wackos that have nothing to do with anything or are advertisements}. I felt that if left in response to something I have said, that I should leave it because to remove comments leaves holes in the story. The most I have done was to lock down posts so that no further comments could be left. Perhaps that is not the way to go. I dunno. I have locked the blog down before but hesitate to do so because I have readers who read daily who do not comment and since they do keep coming back I am going to venture to say that they enjoy the blog and to lock it down would keep them out. I keep hoping that my loyal silent observers will some day play some of our silly games and join in the fun. I am okay if they never do as well. {waves to my silent observers}
I am going to take your thoughts about deleting to heart. You are not the only one who has suggested this. sigh.
I appreciate your thoughts to the anonymous one. "Come around if you must Anonymous one, lurk, laugh, think and cry with the rest of us but do yourself a favour and refrain from answering back since it doesn't seem to work - for either of you." A bit of a twist on "If you can't say something nice...." I agree with that whole heartedly. I want to add that if anonymous wants to stop by that it be done with respect for me and my blog as well as for everyone who reads here. I don't want my blog to become the hot spot because it is always like a train wreck where people come by and can't seem to tear their eyes away from the awful mess before them.
I love ya, girlfriend.
{perhaps I should consider more fully that marriage proposal. heh!}
~ blondie
b, I think people forget the healing benefits of just being lovingly present to the one who is suffering. They feel awkward and at a loss as to what to say so they fill that space with what they hope are comforting words.
The root of the word passion is to suffer (hence the passion of the Lord referring to events leading to the crucifixion) COMpassion means to be with the person who is suffering. It is not the removal of the suffering but the sharing and the support of being present to the one who suffers. I am here for you Honey as are all of your friends.
I agree with your opening paragraph. The Lord only wants good things for us. Remember how he grieved WITH Martha and Mary over the loss of their beloved brother even though he knew better than anyone how Lazurus was in a better place.
more {{{hugs}}} and *kisses*
{perhaps I should consider more fully that marriage proposal. heh!}
hheeeEEEEeeeeyyyyy!!!!
how 'bout we all marry each other?
Besides, someone has already given you away blondie LOL
yeah... than we can all join some splinter church and love together in a new neutral territory like Bountiful BC where multiple spouses seems to be encouraged. LOL with or without their cameras! lol
t
our own church? would it be Ukrathlentists?
BC would be nice but blondie would be wondering what the wet stuff falling from the sky is and why she is the only one in a sweatshirt LOL she might prefer southern Utah as long as we are close to the mountains for us northern types
I have no idea what's going on but I'm so sorry a comment hurt you. I spent two days last week crying over a comment that was meant to be helpful.
You know my best friend lost her mom in February and this is her first Christmas without her. Any ideas for anything I can do to make her holidays a little easier would be greatly appreciated.
love,
me
Aleks,
I wish I could help but this is my first Christmas without my Momma as well. I am getting through it with the support of my friends and family and am taking it one day at a time and sometimes just one minute at a time.
I am allowing myself to feel what I feel when I feel it. As Christmas draws closer I am constantly reminded that the last time I physically saw my momma was @ our Family Christmas. We had a glorious time. We took a fabulous family photo. For that we are all very thankful.
I will keep your friend in my prayers. I know how very difficult this is for her.
TY for stopping by, girlfriend.
love and hugs,
~ blondie
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