13 From the Darkside.

Thirteen Things Men Don't Know About Women.

1. Women are crazy. But if you tell your girlfriend, "I read in Esquire that a woman admitted that women are crazy," she'll call you an idiot. Know that we know we are nuts, and tuck that away in your manly heart.
2. When the car won't start and you do nothing but open the hood, there's a 40 percent chance it will start on the second try. Men will always act like they fixed it. We know and accept this.
3. You say: "I'm intense." We hear: "I'm a psycho."
4. Never take credit for something we actually did. Unless that something is farting. We'll never raise our hands there.
5. We love porn. You know those trashy romance novels your aunt reads? Yeah pure porn. We just need epic drama and petticoats to feel okay about our smut.
6. When you say, "All I did was kiss her": a. You are already in trouble. 1. We know it isn't true.
7. Even if it's cheap jewelry from the drug- store, we'll get all girlie and adore you for it. (Please take the price tag and label off, guys.)
8. Our friends are not your enemies, and our enemies better not be your friends.
9. Intimacy is the greatest foreplay. It's the 24-hour game.
10. When you order before us, the waiter secretively throws us a disgusted glance urging us to break up with you.
11. You can never give us too many sincere compliments. To be honest, you can never give too many exaggerated ones, either.
12. Before you accuse a woman of being bitchy, walk a mile in her shoes. Her pointy-toed, high-heeled, impossibly uncomfortable shoes.
13. Sometimes we love you way more than we love ourselves.