A is for

ATTITUDE:

at·ti·tude Pronunciation Key - [at-i-tood, -tyood]
–noun
1. manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, esp. of the mind: a negative attitude; group attitudes.
2. position or posture of the body appropriate to or expressive of an action, emotion, etc.: a threatening attitude; a relaxed attitude.

As I am leaving the school parking lot this morning after dropping off my kid I stop at the exit, look both ways, {Not crossing traffic but way too many stupid kids crossing all over the place} and although I can see a car heading the same way I am turning I know that I have more than enough room and time to make my turn and get up to speed. I make my turn and look in my rear view mirror to see this car fly up right behind me.

DAMN!

I am not amused and check to make sure I am going just slightly under the posted speed limit and this woman has no choice but to slow the fuck down. As we get to a point where there are two lanes she takes her own and passes me. As she does, she gives me a look. You know....a LOOK! WhatEVER. I stared her down.

You don't' get to play speedracer in a school zone, bitch!
{visualize head the head motions that go with the word "bitch"}

Attitude Adjustment

Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was profanity; those that weren't profanity were, to say the least, rude.

Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, anything she could think of. Nothing worked.

She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird became even madder and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.

For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming. Then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm. Perfectly calm, the parrot said, "I am very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior, and I am sure it will never happen again."

Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

A positive attitude
may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people
to make it worth the effort.

~ Herm Albright

*Got Attitude?*