Just like any sort of fight or flight response, it can be both good, causing one to proceed with caution, or not so good, causing one to run or hide from something that could potentially be a good thing.
If it can be balanced and instead of commitment to somebody be a commitment to a process, that might lead to the knowledge needed for a larger commitment.
But then, who am I to know? Obviously, I am not an expert about much concerning human relationships - on one hand I have been called (and I feel sometimes I am) impatient, and on the other hand, I have been told I am very patient. And concerning the exact same situation! Which is it? I don't know.
I do know that it wouldn't be courage if there wasn't an element of fear involved. And life is full of risks. Which involve committing to some amount of unknown. I work hard to place my trust not in the people or things of this world, but in my God and Savior. Trusting in Him to "work all things together for good..." because "'I know the plans I have for you', says the LORD" This doesn't mean I don't have my own hopes and dreams.
Do I do this perfectly all the time? Hardly. In fact, I can't think of but one time when I actually did it perfectly, and it had nothing to do with commitment to anything other than laying on my back in a hospital bed. And I really had no choice in the matter.
There is hope in either case, tho. As a disease, it should be treatable, as a defense, there should be an "attack" that can break it down, altho "attack" and "breaking it down" is harsh wording.
Anyway, before this turns into my own rant, I am closing. It took me 3 tries to write this - hopefully the third time is the charm.
So you feel that commitmentphobic people are experiencing a fight or flight situation?
Some people, {commitmentphobs} don't have the courage to take any further risks. Past life dictates present actions and reactions. Their very real fear of making yet another bad choice or losing their freedom keeps the commitmentphob stuck.
Disease or Defense: I still don't know.
What if the commitmentphobic person isn't really phobic but rather a person who is satisfied with a life that doesn't have a commitment to another person?
Well, I think that the reaction of a commitmentphob might be fight or flight.
And yes, their very real past, influences the present. And could indeed keep them "stuck" However, the way to unstick is to risk the bad choice. Because it could very well be a good choice - or the best choice.
Disease or Defense? Probably some of both.
As for satifaction of a life without a commitment to another person - well, it could be that someone is satisfied with that, however, should that satisfaction be the sole thing keeping them from a commitment to another person? If they really weren't phobic, they would not have a fear of committing to another person, even on a small scale.
What if that commitment were to bring another level of satisfaction? A new level of enjoyment?
Sure there is the risk that it might not work out, but that risk is present for both sides of that equation. And for the person satisfied with a life without a commitment to someone, to return to that life should be easier, less painful, than someone that is not satisfied with life "alone"
But I am by no means an expert on relationships, let alone committed relationships. Heaven knows that I have seen my share of failures. My biggest prayer is that I will see when someone doesn't want to be with me long before they decide they need to enlist in the Navy.
5 comments:
It depends...
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It depends...
On?
~ blondie
Both.
Just like any sort of fight or flight response, it can be both good, causing one to proceed with caution, or not so good, causing one to run or hide from something that could potentially be a good thing.
If it can be balanced and instead of commitment to somebody be a commitment to a process, that might lead to the knowledge needed for a larger commitment.
But then, who am I to know? Obviously, I am not an expert about much concerning human relationships - on one hand I have been called (and I feel sometimes I am) impatient, and on the other hand, I have been told I am very patient. And concerning the exact same situation! Which is it? I don't know.
I do know that it wouldn't be courage if there wasn't an element of fear involved. And life is full of risks. Which involve committing to some amount of unknown. I work hard to place my trust not in the people or things of this world, but in my God and Savior. Trusting in Him to "work all things together for good..." because "'I know the plans I have for you', says the LORD" This doesn't mean I don't have my own hopes and dreams.
Do I do this perfectly all the time? Hardly. In fact, I can't think of but one time when I actually did it perfectly, and it had nothing to do with commitment to anything other than laying on my back in a hospital bed. And I really had no choice in the matter.
There is hope in either case, tho. As a disease, it should be treatable, as a defense, there should be an "attack" that can break it down, altho "attack" and "breaking it down" is harsh wording.
Anyway, before this turns into my own rant, I am closing. It took me 3 tries to write this - hopefully the third time is the charm.
T.I.M.
So you feel that commitmentphobic people are experiencing a fight or flight situation?
Some people, {commitmentphobs} don't have the courage to take any further risks. Past life dictates present actions and reactions. Their very real fear of making yet another bad choice or losing their freedom keeps the commitmentphob stuck.
Disease or Defense: I still don't know.
What if the commitmentphobic person isn't really phobic but rather a person who is satisfied with a life that doesn't have a commitment to another person?
~ blondie
Well, I think that the reaction of a commitmentphob might be fight or flight.
And yes, their very real past, influences the present. And could indeed keep them "stuck" However, the way to unstick is to risk the bad choice. Because it could very well be a good choice - or the best choice.
Disease or Defense? Probably some of both.
As for satifaction of a life without a commitment to another person - well, it could be that someone is satisfied with that, however, should that satisfaction be the sole thing keeping them from a commitment to another person? If they really weren't phobic, they would not have a fear of committing to another person, even on a small scale.
What if that commitment were to bring another level of satisfaction? A new level of enjoyment?
Sure there is the risk that it might not work out, but that risk is present for both sides of that equation. And for the person satisfied with a life without a commitment to someone, to return to that life should be easier, less painful, than someone that is not satisfied with life "alone"
But I am by no means an expert on relationships, let alone committed relationships. Heaven knows that I have seen my share of failures. My biggest prayer is that I will see when someone doesn't want to be with me long before they decide they need to enlist in the Navy.
Stopping before I ramble on too much.
T.I.M.
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