it's like there's rock bottom,
then 50 feet of crap,
then me.
Thank you all. I really appreciate the support and the fact that no one has pushed me for an explanation. I don't know that I really have one other than I am just so sad today. I know that there are things that are contributing to my sadness.
The air is full of excitement as the kids make plans to come home and finish their wedding plans. So much to do. So much fun. At least it should be. I just find myself fighting back tears as I listen to my girl talking about all that they want to accomplish this next week. The wedding will be wonderful. No doubt. and yet lacking. I am having such a difficult time dealing with the fact that Momma is not here to share in the excitement and the joy surrounding the wedding of her first grandchild. To be honest, it just flat out sucks. It really has me down today.
It will pass. Or so I thought.
until:
a knock on the door. At the door I find an old friend from Church. She is an older lady. I lived across the hall from her daughter in HS boarding school. She came to express her condolences about mommas death. It was all good, until she, not knowing quite what to say to me, decided to tell me not one, not two, but three different tragic death stories. As much as I like this woman, she is lucky I didn't throw her out after the second one. Sigh. Why do people feel the need to give me perspective or their experiences. I don't want the stories. I don't need the stories. The stories are not making me feel any better. In fact, the stories are just making me feel worse.
Sigh.
I will be okay.
She meant well. I know this in my heart. She hugged me and encouraged me.
Plus, she thinks my X is a Selfish Drunkard!
8 comments:
Need to talk?
Sorry your feeling that way...
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yikes! this can't be good...
you're really NOT ya know???
sigh....
hang it there... I find that scotch helps in these types of situations...
T
What's up? I'm all ears...
T.I.M.
OY! that's three tragiv stories too many. Sigh,.. they mean well.... don't they... weddings and babies always mean we want our moms... I know... since the thing with me All I've wanted is to find my mom and talk to her about the problem... but.... we can't.
{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}
T
I'm so sorry. Hugs and I'm here if you need to vent or anything.
I'm sure she wasn't trying to top you with the stories, or put your situation in minimal perspective...
As they say, misery loves company... If anything you should just know that you are not alone in grief. People tell stories to remember the ones they knew and loved. It's actually a celebration. And people are triggered to remember loss when they hear of another loss. You never know what's gonna trigger feelings from this place of grief, and even after years, you can be sure feelings may be just as strong as the day they were first felt. This is how we connect and remember people and things from our past - people who live forever in our hearts.
My father died when I was 6 months old. I can't tell you how many people wanted to tell me about him. I had no memory of him. I was a child who didn't understand. It used to disturb me greatly. My grandparents were in such grief and compared me to the greatness of his memory - I misunderstood that is was their way to remember him, not to pressure me. That took me 30 years to sort out. and once I realized who he was and got to know him through other people, not the least my grandparents, it was their turn to leave and I lost him all over again, as they were my one connection to him... I miss them all and understand now. And I made my peace with all of them before they left the earth, something that has truly changed me forever in such a positive way.
And what triggered me to tell you this? I don't know. But it must be that it was that I feel for your grief, one as strong as mine and by no means less for the different circumstances. From what I know of you mother, she was a great woman who was very much loved by her children and grandchildren. And she left the world knowing that. And that is something you will always have of her. And I guess I just wanted to empathize and tell you I understand your grief at some level or another. No one's grief is the same as another's and grief for different souls is not the same either. We all grieve and we all share that we all grieve. And we hope that we find and give peace in the sharing or the essence of the souls we knew with others. That is how we remember...
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Thanks you guys!
You are all the best.
*muah*
~ blondie
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